bipolar and relationships

When Sensitivity and Ego Collide

Ahh, it has been such a long time since I sat down to write a proper blog entry. So much has been happening to me. For starters, I have some savings right now but I have too many commitments to take any long trips. It’s funny but for the first time in my life, I have the means and cash to go to London and don’t want to. I may want to go back there in the near future, but for the moment I am happy just to stay in Edmonton. It is likely I will go to Toronto in the summer to visit my wonderful sister and sweet little niece, but that is at the back of my thoughts right now.

This past Friday was quite a shindig. The guy who got me work as a creative writing teacher hired me to MC the 20th-anniversary party for the building I live in and it was amazing. I felt really comfortable for most of the time I was up there and people really seemed to respond to my jokes and the poetry I read. I went to sleep that night feeling like my world was spinning and I was trying to hang onto it by spewing out a few choice words into a microphone.

What I am starting to slowly realize is that though my medications deal with a large portion of my symptoms, I still have a mental illness and stress, fatigue, emotion and contact with the outside world can affect it. Tonight was my Humanities 101 course at the University of Alberta and I found myself being hyper-sensitive to others and the things they said and did. I put my hand up a few times to ask questions and I got the impression that the instructor was getting frustrated. Then some guy sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I could ‘please’ pull my shirt down. That kind of pissed me off and it felt like it ruined a good night of learning and debate but I thought about things for a while and realized that I was the one wanting to be in control, that I don’t like it when people show their unwholesome body parts in public and that my ego was telling me that this person, though just as valuable as me or any other person had no right to tell me anything. So here I am at home now, playing some relaxing music, sipping a cup of ‘sleepytime’ brand tea and honestly considering an early night and a ‘take as needed’ pill that will help me rest. Well, that’s about it for now, folks. Thanks for tuning in. I will do more VLOGs as time allows. In the meantime, stay real!

Advertisements

Loving Someone With a Mental Health Problem

Loving someone with a mental health problem.  It can be a very difficult thing to accomplish, but very worthwhile.  Scroll down past today’s poem and photo to read my blog about just that.

DSC_0251

This is a photo of my dad, who is my rock and salvation.  He married into a family with mental health issues and never stopped caring, never backed away.

 

Debbie

 

When I think of the perfect summer day

I think of you and I walking in the heat

We had no car no cash for the bus

But with you by my side I felt so complete

 

There was a certain special something to you

You had such beauty, and under that a loveliness true

I recall your long, ungainly, uncovered feet

Walking on the grassy part of the street

 

You never seemed to care at all what you had

As long as you had someone to share it with

And you had so very much to offer

Walking with you was pure bliss

 

There were so many things to love about you

Like how you let your thin shirt reveal your sweet breasts

Or how you could transform yourself into a bookworm

And study hard and get perfect scores on your tests

 

But I think what made me truly love you

Was how you were able to care so very much

For the smallest creatures in the animal kingdom

To people who had been hurt by life’s harshest touch

 

In my life I’ve not done well with many women

And I thought that was how the story would end

We all make mistakes and have problems that’s human

But I picked right when I picked you as my best friend

 

Leif Gregersen

August 22, 2016

     Good day, dear readers!  I haven’t been making blog posts on a regular basis for some time, but I think I will soon correct that error.  I have been learning a bit about how to make my blog better and more popular and I am hoping that will bring a new enthusiasm to this process.  I am currently in Toronto and having a fairly good time with the place.  It is huge and so I have been a bit reluctant to stray far from my sister’s house, partly for monetary reasons, and partly for mental health reasons.  It gets so hot here, I don’t know how people can stand it.

In a couple of weeks, I am going back to my job as a presenter for the Schizophrenia Society and I think it will be a very rewarding month.  I am going to speak at a medical school and our annual fundraiser which should be pretty awesome.  While I was here in Toronto I spoke at a mental health conference (on a panel) and I have to say it feels good to get some recognition going.  A lot of people really seem to respect that I have written books about my illness and all that.  I can only see things getting better career-wise, but still, I have to remember to do my daily maintenance on myself.  Above all, I need my medication, and then I have to work on the simple things.  Am I eating in a healthy manner, am I exercising, am I isolating myself?  There are a lot of things that I have to keep focused on.  Fortunately, as time goes on it gets easier.  Sometimes I am so amazed that it has been 15 years since I was in the hospital.  I have to admit to being a bit worried about what moving out on my own (in the week after I get back) is going to be like, but there will be support there and there is more support from the mental health clinic I go to.

Aside from that dear readers, I hope you all are well.  Remember as I said in my poem, we are all human, we all make mistakes, be kind and forgive yourself, rebuild and move on when that happens.  Thanks for all the support!