Poetry forum and Blog Page

The World of a Writer (a ‘crazy’ writer?)

A World Well Travelled

Well, I don’t know if I have it in me to write a poem today. I guess I wanted to talk about all the stuff in my life that’s been going on. I haven’t been writing blogs much at all for the past couple of weeks and I have to admit I miss it. A few days ago I taught a poetry workshop which was a lot of fun. I am getting more of a good reputation with the public library for doing these things. The main problem is that I see myself as doing more, working more, making more money, but not being able to handle it and eventually spiral down the drain to insanity as I have done so many times before. It really scares me that I will lose the friends I have now and maybe even lose the respect I have built up with my dad.

Speaking of my dad, I have been spending quite a bit of time with him lately and I have been learning a lot not just about him but about myself, especially about the times when I was mentally ill. It is so hard to describe mental illness to someone who has never experienced it. People think they can just apply logic to their thoughts and mental illness will go away. I am proof positive that even the most preposterous false truths can embed themselves into your thoughts. One of the worst things is that there are people out there who really hate the mentally ill, and some of them actually work in hospitals where they lock up people with a mental illness.

When I think back to the days when I just got out of the hospital, I was a real mess. I wonder why when I left they gave me back my gun license because I nearly saved up the money to buy a gun with it and it was my intention to rob a bank with it. Just a few months before that I was a somewhat innocent, straight edged young man who would never think of something like that. But the strain of becoming mentally ill and of being taken away from my home, my family, my friends, and even my school were incredible. One of the weirdest things is that it was at this time that I met a lot more females than I ever did as a supposed ‘nice guy.’ I don’t think any of those relationships would have lasted at all because I was having very serious problems. Somehow I had always known I had bipolar. I just spent most of the time in the depressive phase of it. I can remember coming back from a cadet camp and seeing a friend who gave me a ride home and I was incredibly manic despite spending most of the past weekend without sleeping.

I guess what I want to think about now is living on an even keel. I don’t know if I will have to give up all my commitments, but the way I live I don’t really need the money I’m making. I have never been closer to my  goal of being well off and able to support myself but I don’t know how long I could keep this up. I have this hope that I can find a counsellor or psychologist who can talk me through it. Heaven knows I have tried everything else.

 

Not Stealing, But Being Inspired By Dylan Thomas

               A lovely sunset on my trip out to Two Hills, Alberta to visit a friend.

 

Let the Light Guide and Strengthen You

 

I say softly now you can’t rely on emotions

Or greed or pity or any deadly sin

But you can find strength as vast and deep as the oceans

When you let your spirit grow strong from within

 

The spirit that guides me through the darkness

Is the hope that keeps me warm cold winter nights

Never hope to face the world when you are lonesome

Because each soul on Earth gives us strength in different ways

 

I thought the best thing for me was hiding

To live far away from angry, judgemental eyes

But the spirit that guides me through the darkness

Helped me to age like wine, grow old and wise

 

Just like an energy that surrounds us all and binds us

The spirit kept me going in the here and now

And as I opened up and allowed others to love me

I found the courage to use the grindstone and the plow

 

The spirit that guides me through the darkness

Kept me going, kept me fighting for better days

I cared no more that some may have disliked me

By that spirit’s power my broken soul was saved

 

And then I found the perfect partner

Someone to care for all the rest of my living days

And at once I gave myself to her loving heart

Then my whole life got so much better in so many ways

 

Poem and Photo for the Glorious Summer

 

Darkness Poem (Villanelle)

 

I walk among the shadows in the night

Like a raven seeking fresh bits of bread

I only feel strong when the stars are bright

 

Once the wee dark hours gave me such a fright

As though in darkness life was on a thread

I walk among the shadows in the night

 

In recent days I go to a grave site

To lay a rose for one I could have wed

I only feel strong when the stars are bright

 

We were to wed after a hasty flight

Her body crushed, her lovely soul now fled

I walk among the shadows in the night

 

I now I stalk her killer as I write

To lift the curse of grief off of my head

I only feel strong when the stars are bright

 

He took my true love’s life it is not right

And now I am a ghost who is undead

I walk among the shadows in the night

I only feel strong when the stars are bright

 

Blog, Poem and Photograph Today!

Scroll down past the photo for today’s poem, and past that for today’s blog.

 

Midsummer Poem

 

The orange golden light of dawn

Beckons us to fight, to keep on

There will be no more giving up today

As the sun greets us in this special way

 

Poems are fine, poems can be bold

But they can’t replace what you are told

Never give up, never give in

Pausing to rest can be a sin

 

We’re in a battle my mates, a struggle real

No matter how you boys may feel

Give it your all in sport, and more in class

Our chance to win will slip away so fast

 

It isn’t quite as if we can just say

We’ll leave the fighting for another day

We’re locked in a struggle with a death grip

And if we don’t win a one way trip

 

The battle I speak of is the one to be free

And we’re all combatants you must see

But the enemy lies inside of us

With each friendship, each display of trust

 

Giving in to hate means losing it all

And we must get back up each time we fall

Winning means joining our fellow man

Arm in arm, hand in hand

 

Now I can’t say all men are good inside

Or that no one will take you for a ride

I’m just trying to get each person to see

The better way for grown adults to be

 

There are evil people in this world of ours

But at night we all gaze up at the same stars

Look for the things that make us all one

Because that is how our wars will truly be won

 

A Short Blog About How Things Are Coming Along

Hello dear readers! I have found myself out of a job as a blogger, so now I can devote even more time to all of you who read my blog here. It was fun and rewarding working for healthyplace, but in the end I guess it was too hard to come up with original ideas week after week and I was having problems with errors so I got the boot. I’m actually kind of glad because the job was more stress than it was worth.

So I am finding myself in a position that I kind of like, less stress, more time for my real writing and so on. I think I might get to work on another poetry collection now.

My mental health has been good lately, summer has finally come to Edmonton and it is such a beautiful season in this part of the world. Everything is so green and alive and there are a ton of birds out there to take pictures of. I am looking forward to using my new Nikon 1 J5 to take more photos of birds as they are flying. I have even entered some of my stuff to be considered for publication.

So as summer rolls into focus I have a few things on my mind. I don’t know how much I told anyone here about my Oculus Rift, the virtual reality headset I bought. I have been flying  a P51 Mustang on it and have been having a blast. I am learning to navigate from airport to airport and land and then return for a safe landing. It is so incredible when you have that 360 degree view. I am looking forward to more simulators like it. I have to admit though, I don’t know if it is the best thing to immerse ones’ self into a video world like that. I don’t know if I would have done it if I hadn’t read the incredible book “Ready Player One” that my friend Richard suggested.

I am so happy to have such a true and genuine friend like Richard Van Camp. He is an incredible person, done so much in his field and one of the most caring and honest friends I have ever known. He is also pretty fun to be around. I am going to be heading to his work with him today and hanging out at the Fort Saskatchewan library for a while today.

As far as mental health goes, I don’t think I could be in better shape. My only real concern these days is that occasionally I have needed sleep aids such as clonazepam to help me rest. It is not the best way to deal with the problem I fear, but it works. I have tried going for long walks each day but often that just puts me into a manic state which makes it even harder to sleep. I would love it if people could share their own sleep methods in the comments. With that I think I am going to get going, I see a long walk in my near future, like in the next 20 minutes!

 

 

Just a Poem and a Cool Photograph Today

 

Life Poem

 

In step we all march to the bitter end

Despite how each of us laughs and pretends

We live and love and go about our plans

And it seems that none of us understands

 

Old age, sickness and death will come to all

But we still must get up each time we fall

Friends and lovers can make this race worthwhile

So hold them close and try to make them smile

 

It seems that when we hold our loved ones dear

Each laugh or smile holds back another tear

Making friends and caring for those we love

Gives us each stores of treasures up above

 

In younger days it wasn’t up to us

To worry, fret, and plan and make a fuss

So now I feel full grown we have a task

To ease each other’s burden more than asked

 

Send flowers to a person feeling blue

Give lonely people time to spend with you

Above all love your friends more than yourself

And never put a lover on a shelf

 

I say these things because I lost so much

Letting time pass by without being in touch

Forgetting those who mattered most to me

Thinking that by doing that I was free

 

In time I was the one who was alone

And my place no longer felt like a home

I know now I must hold fast to my friends

As we all march towards the bitter end

Mental Health and Our Changing World

(please scroll down for today’s video)

Being Open About Mental Health and it’s Consequences

So, yesterday was an amazing day for me. I was invited to the Edmonton Public library to give a talk and start a conversation about mental illness and it seemed to go really well. The only real problem was kind of a funny one, we had a young man crash our event who was suffering from a mental illness and likely experiencing psychosis. I felt really honored to be asked to do this event though and everything else seemed to go really smoothly. As far as events like this go, this is actually the best paid talk I have given so far. The important thing though is beyond that, myself and several other people were given a chance to open up and talk about mental health. I feel so much better about myself these days because I can explain to others what was going on in my head when I did some of the things that hurt people close to me. I also recognize that I hurt people close to me, and that when I was ill, they didn’t blame me and were able to forgive me.

Yesterday after my ‘conversation circle’ event, I was talking to my Dad about my teen years. I still can’t forget spending an entire summer between grade 11 and 12 almost aimlessly driving my car around, lost in a sea of depression and social anxiety. I spent a lot of that summer sitting at work doing very little. I had a small amount of fun delivering pizza and I did end up eating some memorable food, but I was so sad, so depressed. The unfortunate thing was that I began to learn that alcohol could solve a lot of my problems even though the next day I would feel like shit.

Well, just a short blog today. I have been watching a lot of videos lately that deal with motivation and inspiration and I thought I would share one of my favorites with you below. Enjoy!

A Poem For Everyone

A Love That None Suspected

By: Leif Gregersen

 

My friends if you are weary

If life has been hard on you

Think upon the words I will be sharing

And let your heart be born anew

 

Let just a little love inside you

Allow the seed to grow

Love can fill every moment with joy

In ways you can never know

 

Love is like the rainbow

Bringing hope after the rain

But if you do not nurture it

It will leave you in nothing but pain

 

I once had a lover in my youth

Who meant the world to me

And then as though I hated myself

I pushed her away and set her free

 

My heart was broken for some time

I thought I could never love again

But someone came to fill the void

And I romanced her with my pen

 

I wrote her poems and letters

Tried to show my, caring side for her to see

But that time of love was no better

She saw to the broken core of me

 

And then after a lifetime of waiting

I found a love that would never go away

To my sister a lovely child was born

On a perfect sunny summer day

 

I loved this child fully from the beginning

How she smiled and played and laughed

She made me gather together all my bad feelings

And force them to slip into the past

 

Now love to me is her sneaky grin

Love is in her sweet and giving ways

And she has redeemed our broken family

Given all of us precious, happy days