Crossroads

DSCF5810

(don’t forget to scroll down at the end of today’s post for my latest poem)

Well, I don’t really know what to talk about today.  I went for an interview at a local radio station today (CJSR FM 88.5, show to air September 16, 5:00pm) and it went well, aside from a few thousand ‘umms’ which I am assured will be edited out.  I have been getting a few new ideas but still have in mind a project where I would like to write a sort of recovery manual for people with mental illnesses, something to speak to the family and the person suffering, hopefully also to the people that work in the field.  I spent so much time in my life extremely ashamed about my mental illness.  It seemed that at least once a year I would go into the hospital for a month and spend the rest of that year either recovering from the effects of the medications I was put on or getting over the pain of bad memories.  I really like this one book I am reading that I bought at Coles Books, it has in it a four-step plan to recover from Bipolar that seems really good.  I want to write this book but I also want to have some experience dealing with people in mental health situations.  Soon I will be taking something called a WRAP facilitator’s course which seems pretty cool and that might give me the experience I seek.  Also, I have my name in to be notified if a position opens up with Alberta Health Services, (our government health care provider) for a position as a peer support worker.  I think either of these could be really beneficial, but I am at a bit of a crossroads in my writing career because I am getting better at writing poetry and short stories, I have now put out two young adult novels and things seem to be progressing, it is almost though that I have to decide between being an advocate for the mentally ill and writing about that or being a creative, fiction writer and focus on that.  It almost makes me feel like I am back in high school and I am wondering what courses to take to define my career goals.  Anyhow, here is a bit of press on me that my home town newspaper was kind enough to run.  Many thanks to Scott Hayes, a good friend.

http://www.stalbertgazette.com/article/20150912/SAG0801/309129993/-1/sag

 

Inappropriate

 

It was some years ago I first met you

I couldn’t take my eyes off of you

Perhaps it had to do with that glow

 

I always seem to glow, on those hard days

Those long hard days

Late at night working so hard and so fast

Trying to get everything done

So we could all go home

 

I had worked so hard, lifted so much

I didn’t eat nearly enough

So there was the weakness, the glow

And somehow when I looked at you,

And somehow it was like I was able to see

You were an angel

 

In a way it was funny, you were a tough girl

You had packed on some muscle with that job

I told my brother about you, your features, your arms

And he said you were most likely a man

 

But you were so sweet and kind and I knew

That I was in love with you

 

Time passed and I looked for reasons to be near

It meant so much just to talk with you, have you as a friend

I missed or ignored all the signs

That you just weren’t into me

 

All those times I brought you books

All those emails and calls

 

I couldn’t see you were happy

Happy with the man you had

I just thought you were glad

That beautiful people never got sad

 

I think now it was your happiness I wanted most of all

My sadness was all I had, the only thing that made me feel

Real

 

I wanted to squeeze you like an orange

Consume what was in your,

Swallow up the joyful happiness as my own

I didn’t know that just isn’t love

 

I tried so hard to seem smart and thoughtful

But all the while I played the fool

 

You were so fun, so cool to be around

Always joking, but always able to give that special

Uniqueness you had to everything you did

 

And then I started to see a sadness,

A lost look in your eyes, close to a tear

And I thought

 

I can take that from her, I can cure it, help her to heal

Now I know someone has hurt her

Though I couldn’t even help my own moods

 

And then the worst thing happened

I found out what that look, that sad look was

 

It was you looking at me

Afraid of what I might do

If you told me the truth

 

You wanted to say

I’m not into you

And will never be

And that was the end

Of that thing called you and me

 

I want you to be free

I want you to be happy

And if the only way is if we

Never see

Each other again

 

Forgive me if I take up my pen

And try the same damn fool things once more

With some other woman I have come to adore

 

 

Leif Gregersen

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. Wow, your poem really resonated with me, it’s lovely. Reminds me of Pearl Jam’s Black I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life,
    I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky,
    But why, why, why can’t it be, can’t it be mine?”

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s