Hello Dear Readers! Well, if anyone is interested, I am now participating in two blogs. The other one is on a site called ‘Goodreads’ and I am maintaining that one so I can blog about books, especially books that were influential in my life. Today I wrote some stuff in it about “On The Road” by Jack Kerouac, which I thought was pretty good. I want to keep this blog going though, I kind of want to make it about mental health and other issues.
So, I don’t know exactly who all of my readers are. If any of you get a chance, pick up a copy of one of my books from the ‘purchase books’ page, in kindle eBook or paperback and let me know what you think of my longer works. Two of my books, “Inching Back To Sane” and “Through The Withering Storm” are memoirs about my lived experiences with mental illness, and I feel have a lot to say to people about how to deal with and manage and all things to do with mental health. I would love it if more people would come forward and tell me what they think, possibly these sorts of things could make me a better writer.
So today I wanted to talk about a subject a lot of people, especially those who feel they are ‘sane’ don’t like much to talk about-I want to talk about the mental hospital. I’m going to attach a video I made of Alberta Hospital where I spent a lot of time just below this and then after I will continue writing.
So, this was the place I spent 6 months in back in the year 2001. I only remember the year because it was the same year the twin towers were hit by planes. All that seems so surreal to me now because I was just getting over being very sick at the time and was actually still in the hospital.
The mental hospital can be a very unpleasant and frightening place. I think because of extended worrying and poor treatment there I developed a digestive condition that I still deal with 14 years later. I wonder though if the place had anything to do with it. There were people that made my life difficult, including my Doctor and most of the nursing staff and a lot of the patients, but I wonder if that would have been an issue if I hadn’t been so sick.
One of the main reasons I had to be there had to do with my own mistake. I had been on a dosage of 1000mg of a certain pill and I thought it was doping me up too much and cut it in half. Just that small change was enough to make me very sick. The fact is though, that the staff there do a lot to try and accommodate people in the hospital. There was one staff member who would often take me out for walks, there was people there simply to talk to and play cards with (staff) but all I seemed to be able to do was worry. It really scared me that after that hospital visit I would be unable to have any kind of relationship with a female, that I would never travel, that a lot of my life was over. What is a bit scary is that those things may have happened if my Doctor had gotten his way and kept me for 2 years as he had wanted. But my medication was brought back to the old level, I got a lot better and even quit smoking. I can also recall a fun day when we went bowling and I got the top score. And when I got out, life improved. I used a tactic to do this that I have worked into my life for a very long time. The way it goes is, no matter what, no matter how bad things get, you should have goals to reach for and try to accomplish at least one of them each day. Now I have traveled, I am back in touch with a lifelong female friend, I have a great job and my writing is becoming known all over North America. I started out with very little, but I pushed myself and got a job as a security guard, saved up my money and bought a nice computer, eventually a used car and by luck got an even better job for way more pay working as a security guard on movie sets. Who made all this happen? I couldn’t tell you, but I did have to keep working harder, doing more, taking all of my medications and keeping up with my responsibilities in my home and at work. Will this work for anyone? I couldn’t say really, I just know that my life is very blessed.
But, in the middle of that ramble, I will leave things so I will have more to write next time. Thanks so much for reading this far, scroll down just a little further for today’s poem, and keep checking back because I brought my camera with me and Toronto is a beautiful city to photograph. All the best!
Throughout My Days I Need You
My dear friends I dedicate this poem to you
Because I have come to learn it is true
Without your devotion and love I never could write
Though sometimes words do come through
Words that are fresh, sweet and new
Like now deep inside the night
But I often think of dear friends I have lost
And the terrible cost
Of wanting to seem too tough to care
I pray that once more our paths will cross
And that I never again casually toss
Away the beautiful love that we shared
As I sit and remember fondly the times
When true friendship was mine
I wish those I hurt back in my life
But it can be hard when in the past one was unkind
To change all those minds
Of those you turned away because of deep down strife
Always, forever hold onto those who are dear
Don’t be left shedding a tear
Because the worst thing is to be alone
Keep your loves and your family near
Be always ready to lend an ear
That is the only way to truly have a home
And when you have people to care for
You’ll find you don’t need much more
I’ve learned as I write out my words
And always be ready to walk out the door
Life will indeed give you much more
And feel the joy of knowing your soul’s longing was heard